


Soft and silent attention

by Patatarte



Series: The CowCrew ship fest [5]
Category: Cow Chop, fakechop - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Hospital, Injury, M/M, but also fluff, everything is not okay but it'll be, mention of death too, theres a lot happening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 11:32:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12770163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patatarte/pseuds/Patatarte
Summary: They are criminals, and it's a dangerous job.Aleks knows this but still can't bring himself to be honest with Trevor.Until it's too late to say anything,or almost too late.





	Soft and silent attention

Aleks is tired of himself, really. They flirt with death so often that he sometimes forgets it's a thing, but he cares deeply about everyone in the crew. Sadly, even with the notion of "maybe tomorow will be me last day alive or the last of this person", he can't bring himself to say some things. 

For instance, he has yet to say to Trevor that he has the stupidest crush on him. 

Sure, he flirts with pretty much everyone of the crew. Flashing a smile, some low words, a wink, a touch...He's good at that, hell, he's even excellent at it when their missions need a flirty bastard ! He flirted with the Vagabon, for christ's sake ! But when it's about something serious, he's...stuck.

He can say he's a bit jealous of the way Trevor looks up to James for many things, but it's his own fault really. If Aleks wasn't so teasing and joking, maybe Trevor would trust him more ? No, that's bullshit, James is a little piece of shit too, it can't be the reason. 

And whatever is going, Asher found out. Maybe because Aleks said too much while drunk, or maybe because Asher is actually a good deducer, who knows. The thing is that he got yelled at by Trevor's close friend. Alright, it wasn't really yelling, it was more of an avertissement. Something like "don't you dare hurt him or I'll kill you", and somehow Aleks is pretty sure that's not just words. Anyways, these words aren't what prevents him from talking to Trevor. No, it's just...

Have you seen this man ? He changed so much because the crew is demanding, making his sleep shorter, making him gain muscles and loose so much weight. Trevor became a true member of the crew, able to work by himself, and yet he's still an awkward and fragile man. His body changed but not his mind, and if Aleks already liked him before, he just wants to protect him from that fucked up life sometimes.

Trevor deserves better. He doesn't need the stress of bullets going way too close to him, doesn't need the bruises and blood, doesn't even need to handle that much money to begin with. This life is ruthless, it started so nicely but now they give more to the RT associates and that fucked up cop association YT than they gain for themselves.

Maybe it's time to let go ? He knows it will not happen, they'll go down with it. But Trevor deserves a second chance, right ? 

He deserves more than hissing in pain on the floor, that's for sure. Aleks holds him, pressing his palm on the injury , trying to slow down the blood flow. James and Brett went inside to clean the area, shooting like madmen, fueled by rage as one of the crew fell. Lindsey is on her way, but Trevor has to keep conscious until then.

At first, Trevor mostly shrieked, insulting and calling for James, but then he calmed down a bit, grabbing Aleks' jacket and asking for reassuring words, anything. Of course Aleks gave him the "don't worry" talk, because it's just civil at this point, it doesn't seem fatal but you never know. Aleks is so stressed he might puke. Trevor starts being a bit delirious, perhaps because of the pain or bloodloss and Aleks tries his best to crack a joke and enlight the mood, but it doesn't work. He feels useless and stupid, feels weak for the first time in months.

Trevor wasn't even supposed to come with them tonight, he was supposed to monitor them from the warehouse with Jakob and Asher. He was supposed to be safe, but no, he's bleeding on the floor, getting his worst injury so far. Aleks is whispering a mantra of "you'll be okay, hold on, you'll be okay, just hold on", and Trevor is just saying bullshit about gun powder and fuel for some reasons now.

Aleks doesn't even realize when Brett and James come back and when Lindsey arrives with an ambulance. Brett went on his own, leaving with the money because it's what matter in their business and survival, that's his duty. James and Aleks follow Trevor to the hospital.

They go in the basement and Lindsey call some people and they leave with Trevor. It's not the official way to take care of people, but they pay enough to have a VIP pass (god knows they need it a lot). Aleks and James sit on old office's chairs abandonned in a dusty hallway, a place that's not really used a lot by the hospital these days, but it's their place, as crew members. Trevor is behind closed doors, they just have to wait.

James is nervous and silent, his nostrils showing how much he's trying to control himself. Aleks' leg is shaking so much he thinks James will punch him for it but it never comes. Every time there's a loud noise muffled by the doors, James stands, huffs and sits again when nobody comes.

For James, it's a huge fail, he failed to protect Trevor. Everytime something bad happens to one of them, he blames himself. Today it's worst because Trevor is like a little brother that was kind of forced into this life, he feels responsible for him . And he failed him.

"He's going to be okay." He says, not looking at anyone, just at the white floor. "He's going to be okay, you hear me ?" He turns his head to Aleks.

There's a small nod, not really convinced, but still here. And James smiles, his hand slapping Aleks' back with moderate strength before he forces him to get closer. It's a sort of hug, something reassuring that they both need, and it's rare when James is the one initiating it. 

They stay like that for what feels like days, without a clock to check, not feeling brave enough to look at their watch or phones. That place is of another realm. Aleks even feels himself drift away, everything weigthing on him until he falls asleep.

-

He wakes up when the doors open, suddenly, making them jump and stand in one movement. Lindsey is here, sweaty, covered in blood that's not hers. She looks tired because hours went by, and when Aleks meets her eyes, he knows. She struggles with words because they are close, it's not a nobody, it's them, the crew, their family.

"There was..." She breathes, slowly, trying to look at them in the eyes but ending looking at the floor. "Complications."

"What do you mean ?" James is probably not on the same page here. "If it's about a wheelchair, we found one, no need to rent one again. I just need to call Brett and-"

"James-" Aleks starts, feeling himself shake.

"What ? He'll walk again, right ?" He sounds concerned but yet so hopeful, Lindsey shakes her head and Aleks puts his hand on James' shoulder. "What is going on ? He's okay, right ?" He laughs, weak.

Aleks tighten his grip slightly and James falls silent, his mouth moving to say nothing. He just understood. They both understand but doesn't realize fully, and if James doesn't move from his spot, frozen, Aleks pushes Lindsey to get inside. She tries to stop him but knows it's no use. 

He pushes the white doors, walks a little and opens another set of doors a little away. It's their "official" place, he came here three times for himself and even more for the others. The smell of the room is awful, sickening, getting worst when he hears the splat of blood under his shoes. 

There's people still here, sitting in a corner, tired of the operation. Aleks ignores them and they do the same. He doesn't really see them anyways, his eyes are on the body lying on the table, under the painful light. A green sheet covers the body but Aleks doesn't even wait before he takes it off of his face.

Fuck, fuck ! Trevor, no...

He touches the skin, pale but for once looking at rest. There's no life here, he even feels cold already. That realization upsets Aleks, tears falling from his eyes without his consent, his face distorting with pain as he grabs Trevor's face with both hands. He was too young, not made for that part of the job, not made to die this way. He deserved better, so much better.

They failed him, they lost him.

Aleks sobs, leaning to kiss the soft skin, his forehead, his cheeks, in a foolish hope that he'll wake up. It can't be true, they are fucking immortals, they went by way worst than this, nothing can hurt them that much, bruises and broken bones, no more. No more.

"Trevor..." James' soft voice is beside him.

Aleks has no idea when he came in the room, but his presence is welcome. They are around the lifeless body, and it might looks like a renaissance painting, a fucking painful one. 

"I...I should have pressed my hand on the injury better. I fucked up, James, I fucked up" Aleks sobs, because he feels awful, feels like he killed Trevor himself, he fucking murdered him.

James doesn't say a word, maybe because he agrees, maybe because he feels himself at fault but can't find the words for it. Aleks caresses the soft hair and looks up when the silence is too unusual. There's a gun pointed at him. James looks devastated and furious, tears not yet falling but definitely rising.

"James..."

"Who fucking care whose fault it is ? He's fucking dead. The only one we had to take care of, is fucking gone." 

"Killing me will not make you feel better." Not that he wants to live, but it shouldn't weight on James either.

"Because going out of this fucking place, dealing with it, having to work with that shit climate is better ? Because having you taking pills or like put shits in your veins will be better ? Fuck you."

Shit, he knows him so well. For sure his way to deal with awful stuff is to hide in drugs. Nobody says shit when James burns thousands of dollars in races for the same fucking reasons. Maybe because one is destructing a body and the other is just about money.

Money, fucking money that made them take too much risks today, a good lead their associates at RT said, low risks, easy pay ! Fuck them all, fuck money, it'll not bring Trevor back.

"What do you want to do, James ?" He's still holding Trevor's face, stroking his beard slowly now, something he did once as a joke but wanted to do so much more and never dared.

"If I have to loose you too, I want to be in control of it." 

If it's what's supposed to sign the end of the cow crew, so be it. He lifts his hand a second to tell James to wait, just a moment. He looks down, at the peacefull face. Really, knowing the risks of their job, he should have grown a set of balls and kiss the guy way before this. He leans again, ready to give a first and last kiss, full of meaning but so empty at the same time now.

Their lips aren't even touching when James shoots, ending everything.

-

He wakes up, almost screaming and jumping of what happened in that nightmare. He feels fresh tears at the corner of his eyes but he's still in a bit of control. Lindsey is here, looking at him with a small smile, a hand on his shoulder as James slowly wakes up as well, blinking slowly and trying to get back to what is going on.

"He's okay. He needs to rest but he'll be fine." She says in a confident voice.

"Can we see him ?" James cuts, wanting a proof, never trusting what he can't see.

"No yet, but in half an hour yes. We'll put him in the usual room. Okay ? Can you wait there ?"

She leaves and Aleks is confused, looking around, ready to see some shit like a demon laughing at his ass or something, but there is nothing. He had a bad dream, that's all, so it means that this is the reality ? Maybe ? He looks at James and James frowns at him, concerned.

"Hit me." Aleks demands.

"What ?!" 

"Hit me, punch me in the dick, slap my face, do something !"

James might be confused but he still slaps Aleks' face, just a bit harsh about it. Aleks holds his cheek and looks around again. Is he really awake this time ? Is this true ?

"It's not a dream ?"

"Aleks, what the fuck are you talking about ?" 

That just makes Aleks smiles, shaking his head and hoping it's true this time, that Trevor is okay, that everything is okay. They walk to the room that will be Trevor's one for some days, probably. That room might as well have their name on it since they go in it so much. Probably the best customers of the year. 

They enter it, ready to wait some more. It's just another abandonned room, a bit cold and humid since it's in the basement and without any window or anything, but it has an electric heater that James turns on as soon as they are in. The lights are blue, cozy but not really made for checking if an injury is infected or not. But most of all, there's a ton of useless medical equipement, from old books to destroyed electronics. 

Aleks sits at his usual spot, on an old computer thing that was once white and is now yellowish. There's a blood stain here, and Aleks is pretty sure it's from Brett when he got stabbed three months ago. Nobody really care about cleaning perfectly here, they are already lucky to have people for them when needed and without having the police asking questions. James plays with an abandonned blood bag that's in this room since the first time they went in. It's like an anti-stress for them at this point, not thinking that it's the blood of someone in here.

Trevor is okay, it's just a minor injury, nothing too bad. He's alive. Thanks god almighty.

When the usual staff comes with him, they exchange quick words and leave as Trevor is placed on the bed. He's asleep for the moment, breathing slowly. He doesn't look half bad, looking rather peaceful and rested for once. Lindsey comes and explains the situation, gives some medicine while Aleks still looks at Trevor, barely listening to what she says.

Thanksfully, James is a responsible adult. And when Lindsey leaves once again, to probably sleep or eat something, James says something about calling the warehouse, to give them some news. Aleks is truly not listening to anything, too busy looking at Trevor breathing, being alive.

That life is shit, tomorow maybe Aleks will be badly injured, maybe Asher will die, maybe James will be kidnapped and have his fingers chopped. It's a though thing that they do, there's no place for caring, no place for emotions. Shouldn't have a place for that.

James slides his face at the door and says he's going to Trevor's place to get fresh clothes and some food, asking if Aleks needs anything but no, he has everything he wants right here. The crew is alive and well, they got nice stacks of fucking money and...Trevor is alive.

Speaking of Trevor, his eyelids flutter open after a while, and he hums, tries to move but is stopped by Aleks' arms. 

"You better not do that."

"Oh, hey Aleks." his eyes close again. "Where are we ?" he sounds a bit breathless, tired.

"In the hospital VIP room, you got all patched up. Feeling okay ?" It's so good to hear his voice again.

"Yeah. I barely feel any pain."

"That's because you are still sedated."

Trevor hums again, looking like a lazy man and not someone that got shot some time before. Aleks smiles at the scene, glad the man is okay, so glad in fact that he doesn't move for a good minute before he remembers he has to give Trevor medicine. He helps him sits as much as possible and gives him the cup of water with the little white pill.

"Everything is alright ? At the warehouse ?" He asks Aleks, still sleepy and soft.

"Yeah, we got a lot of money, Brett went back. Everything is cool, man."

"Good."

Aleks feels like he has to do something, because tomorow might be the last, because today was almost the last. He helps Trevor getting back to a better position and shakes, asking strength to his soul as he holds his hand to Trevor's cheek, brushing the skin with his fingertips, making him laugh.

"What are you doing ?" Trevor asks, not bothering with opening his eyes.

"I don't know." He's honest, doesn't know what he's doing exactly.

"Feels nice."

Aleks wants to let him sleep again, he deserves it, but he also wants to enjoy his time alone with him. Wants to do something real for once, wants to kiss those smily lips.

"Trevor, -" He stops there, not knowing what to say next, wanting to lean and kiss without a word but...

"Thanks. For earlier." It's more serious but still said with a smile.

"I don't think I helped too much." He needs to ask Lindsey how to hold on an injury properly. He needs to learn a lot more about care.

"You were there, that's good enough." He sounds so sleepy, drifting away as he talks.

Maybe Aleks being there was enough, maybe. Trevor moves a little, whincing but finding a good position, ready to fall asleep. Aleks sits on the old machine next to the bed, his head on the mattress, looking at Trevor's face, not ready to do anything else. When Trevor's breath seems really slow and asleep, Aleks stands, just so he can kiss his forehead. 

It makes Trevor moves and complains a little, perhaps he wasn't asleep yet, but Aleks will not complain when a hand catch his clamy one, keeping it in his grasp. He's not going to move anytime soon, not in a thousand years. He even falls asleep here, his head on his other arm, gently on the mattress, listening to the slow breathing.

-

When he wakes up later, his hand is still captured but it's alright. He finds clothes and food near him with a paper note "check ur phone", which he does. There's multiple texts, pictures even, from James, Asher, and Jakob. They all took pictures of the two sleeping, different angles too. Those little shits. But what warms Aleks' heart is that on the picture, Trevor has his nose buried in Aleks' hair. They almost lost him, Aleks will not let go on him until the man knows his mind, that's for sure.


End file.
